Monday, March 23

Gratitude, Joy, Oneness and Service (Day 215)


1. I am grateful that I had a break from others at the funeral (particularly the person who annoyed me) so that P- had a chance to think about what needs to happen next (wills, inheritance tax, etc)

2. I am grateful that P-, his mom and sister took the time (all day) to talk about these things and to just decompress from the funeral.  I was able to help contribute from experience but the law is specific in every country. I am grateful that my habit of cooking for the sake of leftovers meant that I was able to whip up a quick meal of spaghetti and ragout from the previous night.

3. I am grateful that P- and I had a few moments to talk on our own today. I am also grateful to hear various impressions of people at the funeral.  It reminded me that no matter what you do...people may be put off .  Everyone has their own preferences.  An introvert can find a hug to be intrusive.  An extrovert can find a quiet person to be arrogant and standoffish.  The point is not only to change our behaviour to suit others, because we may not always be so able to determine how we impact on others, particularly since most people (not me) play their cards close to their chest.  The greatest lesson for me was to re-learn what my mother always taught me: assume people have the best of intentions until proven otherwise. Most people are good people.  But if those intentions are proven otherwise, it is important to be nobody's fool.  It is also important to recognize that some people are opportunists and so to guard one's privacy in one's affairs. It was a good reminder for me.  I am grateful that my mother (and father!) taught me both privacy in my affairs to protect myself from opportunists (I could stand to be more private) and tolerance for other's idiosyncrasies ("that's just their way" was my mother's answer to most instances when I could chose to take offence at someone...and it was my mother's way of teaching me that nobody else is me and I ought not to punish or judge them for acting, speaking, thinking or doing things differently than I).

Joy - it was a joy to create a few beautiful photos for the family. Not everything turned out well, but given I was not using my own camera I got a few nice shots.

Oneness - we shared our experiences of the way we felt that P-'s Dad was very present for the few days following his death.  We also shared that we felt he moved on last night, after the funeral. I felt it at sunset...and I captured a photo of the sunset when I felt he was saying his farewell. His sister felt it later in the evening...and for all of us, it may simply have been the moment we chose to accept that he was gone, and let our hearts begin to adjust to the new reality.

Service - the whole day was an act of service. When we spoke about the person who annoyed me the previous day, I didn't want to hurt P- with my opinion. So, I tried to turn things on their head and ask him the right questions.  I didn't always succeed, but I did try.  It was an act of service on my part to bite my tongue and change the topic and to acknowledge to him that I am not able to talk about that person without saying things that might hurt him.

No photos, but did you see the blue sky today? Go look! Xx

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