So, I think its a bit of the stress of repeatedly trying to draw a line under something that involves at most, a few hours work. only to face broken promises that has caused my irritable bowels. I am angry and I have to contain my anger and so it has gone into my intestines. If you are so inclined, please send a prayer my way that the situation can be resolved to everyone's satisfaction in a rapid and peaceful manner, please?
Now with that in mind....
1. I am grateful that F- was understanding today when I needed to cancel our meetup due to being ill. My IBS flared up in the middle of the night, (as it does), leaving me sleepless, in pain and drained of electrolytes and fluids. F- was very understanding and I hope that she will be able to reschedule for this week.
And, while we're at it, I will say that I am grateful for my IBS. It has flared up with intensity pointing out that I am enraged by the way this person has treated the matter and treated me. This is a twofold lesson: 1. Do not engage in relationships where the other party dismisses my needs and 2. Do not hold on to anger - get out and walk, cook, do anything to release the energy because if it gets stored in the body it causes disease. IBS is the early warning sign.
2. I am grateful for the gluten free pasta I brought from Canada and for the larder that I am currently using up as I plan to leave the country in a few weeks. I was able to cobble together a rather yummy tuna casserole from my larder and freezer which I knew would not bother my stomach.
3. I am grateful for my friends CM- and M- who helped me to keep calm and work out my escalation route, bearing in mind the other person's mental state. They supported me in finding peace despite the disregard I am facing of such a serious matter. With hundreds of things to handle in exiting a country, I am astonished that something that should have been completed in an hour or - at most a couple of hours - is still outstanding months later. They helped me to let go, knowing that if needed, I could find an advocate to take this over from me, albeit at considerable cost.
Joy - It was a joy to finally meet my new flatmate, L-. I had it on my to do list for my Action for Happiness group actions for building community and so I am glad I finally caught him at home. He is a lovely guy - very bright brainbox from Oxford Maths (I had another friend who studied at Oxford in Maths - another bright brainbox was she) who is doing a summer placement in Equity research. We had a long chat about working in the finance industry and all the opportunities currently out there for bright Maths graduates. I am happy for him - his future really is bright.
Oneness - Hmmm...oddly enough...I think I am in a phase of my life of focussing on where I want to clean my relationship house and where I need to detach. Oneness is beyond personality and while I don't want to be associated with certain personalities, I am still able to feel Oneness with Spirit. Meditation helps...it helps with oneness and it helps with IBS.
Service - I was thinking that I needed to 'write this down as service' but now I can't remember what it was I did. I guess that is really the thing about selfless service - when it is truly selfless, we just do it without expectation and it is forgotten in the next moment. I vaguely remember it being about something I did for someone online, giving them information but I honestly can't remember what. So, instead, I will say that my chat with L- was my service. I committed to getting to know my new flatmate and welcome him into the flat. I also gave him helpful advice and sources of information and so today, we will call that service.
And with that, I'm off to sleep. I do hope tomorrow will be a day with less emotional turmoil. Fire in the belly is good for action. Fire in the brain and intestines - not so much ;)
A cute one from a couple of days ago: