Thursday, July 23

Gratitude, Joy, Oneness and Service (Day 337)

1. Today I am grateful for my instagram buddy SP76. I was at a street art event on the weekend and had a couple of beer on a completely empty stomach. Those who have been following me this year will know...I cannot drink at the best of times. I got loopy. I was with a couple of girls that when we go out we get - well - rowdy. I am normally the one pushing them to go and chat up or flirt with a bloke. I think that is mostly because I only ever went clubbing to dance, and the whole meeting in bars thing that happens in the UK is just not for me.

Anyway, I had an early impression of my instagram buddy that he might be being kind towards me because he thought I was a young hipster chick and he was interested in meeting hipster chicks. There is nothing wrong with that....its just that I'm not young and I'm not a hipster and I didn't know how or even want to have that conversation. I mean what do you say? Over time, he simply became a kind and helpful source of information on street art and I sort of forgot my first impressions. It doesn't help that his avatar makes him look like a mafia hit man.

I was feeling happy and decided to ask if he was there at the event. After I sent the message, I regretted it. I told the story to the girls and how I thought maybe he was flirting with me, rather than being helpful and that if that was the case, I would not be who he was looking for. I am young at heart, but I am 50 and so far off from cool that I could be cool in a sort of ironic way. Except, it isn't ironic, with me. But, with the girls there, I felt safe enough to say hello. I had beer in me and a false sense of bravado. I wasn't interested in someone looking for a hipster so what would it matter to meet him. I told them the whole story we talked about him a lot. Probably loud enough to be overheard at the next table. Sp76 gave me his description and I didn't see anyone that fit the description and looked like his avatar.

And then Db- spotted him.

Sitting.right.beside.us. Mortification! What if he'd heard us talking? Oh dear God! I wasn't sure it was him. He looked nothing like his avatar. And this man was very - very - did I say 'very?' - good looking. But also, not smarmy or mafia-like at all. He looked actually - sweet. He was certainly very popular in the crowd at the bar and was clearly well liked. If this was him, I had clearly read the situation all wrong. Double embarrassment. I didn't want to walk up to a handsome lad and say - hi are you Sp76?(imagine me twirling my hair and talking like a valley girl and you can get a picture of how ridiculous I would feel). If he wasn't Sp76 I'd feel like a dork and if he was Sp76, well, I would feel like a bigger dork because I had made an assumption that was probably not the case. This guy didn't need to try to hook up over the internet. And, he was clearly a nice guy. I was mortified to think he had overheard me talk about my impression.

So...being of sound mind (not)...I decided to snap a photo of him and post it and ask if this was him. The girls talked me out of that...the only way now to avoid the mortification of his possibly overhearing us - and my fear of talking to a stunning man (we had considerable conversation about that probably within earshot too) would be to post it after we left. I thought it would be a good idea to get a few photos of him.

I thought I was so discrete. Just the way we think that we do not appear drunk if we enunciate. Uh. NO!

So, in the end, I snapped a few photos and left.  Smooth.

Afterwards, I felt like such an ass. Ass Ass Ass.  I then made it worse and wondered if he was actually d7606, my street art mentor because they had both been so helpful.  And, they both have 76 in their name.  Oh dear.

Oh my God.  What if I had not only possibly offended Sp76 but d7606.  Great.  I finally decided to just bite the bullet and apologize.

Sp76 was very gracious and kind.  He is not an artist (and therefore not d7606, thank God) and that was some relief.  He really was very kind to accept my apology.  It made me feel worse. He had offered to take me out to see some street art 5 months ago and I didn't accept. I wish now that I had. My experience with men in this city left me suspicious and my impression of his intentions were clearly so far from wrong. Looking back, he proved that his intentions were not smarmy at all but those first impressions do tend to stick. I feel sorry that I missed out on possibly having his friendship all these months.

I hope its not too late to become friends, but time will tell. I am leaving soon and so it probably is too late and that makes me a little sad to realise my mistrust caused me to miss out on a nice person.

So, for today, I am grateful for Sp76's help in tracking down street art, for his knowledge on the subject and his generosity in sharing that with me and mostly, for his gracious response to my apology.

2. I am grateful that L- had time to meet up with me today. She is from my Action for Happiness group and we never really got the chance to get to know one another in the confines of our meetings. Today was a lot of fun. We met for a drink around 4:00 and like a good date, it stretched into the evening and we parted just before 11. She is funny and super intelligent and she has an interesting perspective on life. I like her a lot and I like that she likes me. I hope I will have some more time to spend with her before I leave.

Can I just take a moment here and say - I really am beginning to feel that I wish I weren't leaving London.

3. I am grateful that I heard back from the Canvas Café. I am hoping that I will be able to have my 365 days celebration there. It is a happiness café affiliated with Action for Happiness and so it is a natural fit.

Joy - It was great to hear that my sister's angiogram moved up because they had an early appointment and that there was nothing at the moment to worry about.

Oneness - I really had that feeling today of Oneness with L-. There were moments that I felt transcended the intellectual and personal and I really enjoyed being with her and connecting on a much deeper level. It wasn't like that all the time and if it was, I think that would be too intense to be sustained, but I really did feel...out of time...at a few moments today.


Service - L wasn't feeling well after supper. She told me about some ailments and I could relate because the symptoms are similar to my own. I sent her reiki, along with my sister and those whom I am holding in my circle at the moment.

A photo from today. It was a good day.

A photo posted by Tania Campbell (@pinkstarpix) on

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